Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "The Smalltalk Epidemic":
You are a spoiled and disgusting piece of trash. And your twin with Charlie Sheen, completes the picture
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "The Smalltalk Epidemic":
This would be a nice blog entry if it was actually funny
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Basketball Diaries" :
What a dumb article
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "The Smalltalk Epidemic":
if you have anxiety that they are snickering at you behind your back, its probably because they are
I didn't initially publish these because I find people who post as "Anonymous" to be complete and total fucking cowards. Here's your chance to identify yourselves. In the meantime, fuck off.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Younger Men Are the New Black
(As Older Guys Increasingly Become Orange Mock Turtlenecks)
Look into any girl's closet. Although we may have some crazily printed tops, maybe a gold lame bodysuit from American Apparel, and the inevitable pair of summer-white skinny jeans, there are undoubtedly a few staples that can get us through any outfit-dilemma-inducing panic attack situation: the LBD, the perfectly-fitting black T, the not-too-high-heeled black leather boots, and my abso-favorite-go-to black jeans. Black goes with everything. Black makes you feel sexy and svelte when you wear it. Black is always in style.
Call it the Cougar Effect. Call it Robbing the Cradle. Call it whatever the hell you want. In a world where it's hard out there for a pimp-ette, us girls gotta think outside the Streeterville-1-bedroom-Boring-Financial-Job box and get creative. My solution: hit up the young'ins. And don't judge me because I do.
Here's why:
1. Oh, wait. They're interested in you. You don't have to pretend like you're not, either.
Remember how agonizing it is to play the ridiculous and nearly impossible cat-and-mouse, you-like-me-but-I'm-doing-you-a-favor-by-going-out-with-you game with a guy your age or older? Wait 4 hours to text back. Keep him in a holding pattern of stupid 1st, 2nd, and 3rd "interview" dates until he gets to take you to poundtown. Don't friend him on the Book - let him friend you. Don't, and I mean DON'T, ever, under any circumstances, be yourself. (These may not even be the correct rules; this ain't my rodeo, I just went along for the ride a few times - and failed. Miserably.)
During the Age of Innocent Guys, you don't HAVE to play games. It's a nice change of pace.
2. They're nice. Like, really nice! They have good manners! And they're eager to please (but not in a pathetic way - more like a "oh, you don't have to give me a bj, I'll just go down on you for 3 hours" way.) They haven't lived out of Parental Guidance Land for long enough to forget to mind their P's & Q's, remembering important date staples like "you look very pretty" and "oh, I'll get the bill" (or maybe I've just dated too many cheap assholes who don't find me attractive).
They will also happily walk your dog for you.
3. They like to spoon.
4. Since you are older and more worldly than they are, they actually (and this is a big one) listen when you talk, instead of just [sometimes, but often not] politely waiting their turn to speak. Is there a better feeling than looking across the table at someone maintaining eye contact steadily and hanging on to every word you are saying? (Ok, maybe getting gone down on for 3 hours.) But, honestly, nothing is more annoying than suffering through a date with a One-Upping-"Well, I'-er (a close relative of the I-Was-Never-Actually-Listening-In-The-First-Place-"Wait, what?"-er) and having to endure inane stories about their glory days at the University of Douchiness or the all the times they un-ironically attended Jimmy Buffet concerts and smuggled booze into Wrigley Field.
The younger-man je ne sais quoi is as intoxicating as Creed Aventus - it smells like slightly-post-Teen-spirit. (Or did that joke date me? It's a famous Nirvana song from the early 90s for all you adorable juvies out there.) So go put some on.
Look into any girl's closet. Although we may have some crazily printed tops, maybe a gold lame bodysuit from American Apparel, and the inevitable pair of summer-white skinny jeans, there are undoubtedly a few staples that can get us through any outfit-dilemma-inducing panic attack situation: the LBD, the perfectly-fitting black T, the not-too-high-heeled black leather boots, and my abso-favorite-go-to black jeans. Black goes with everything. Black makes you feel sexy and svelte when you wear it. Black is always in style.
Call it the Cougar Effect. Call it Robbing the Cradle. Call it whatever the hell you want. In a world where it's hard out there for a pimp-ette, us girls gotta think outside the Streeterville-1-bedroom-Boring-Financial-Job box and get creative. My solution: hit up the young'ins. And don't judge me because I do.
Here's why:
1. Oh, wait. They're interested in you. You don't have to pretend like you're not, either.
Remember how agonizing it is to play the ridiculous and nearly impossible cat-and-mouse, you-like-me-but-I'm-doing-you-a-favor-by-going-out-with-you game with a guy your age or older? Wait 4 hours to text back. Keep him in a holding pattern of stupid 1st, 2nd, and 3rd "interview" dates until he gets to take you to poundtown. Don't friend him on the Book - let him friend you. Don't, and I mean DON'T, ever, under any circumstances, be yourself. (These may not even be the correct rules; this ain't my rodeo, I just went along for the ride a few times - and failed. Miserably.)
During the Age of Innocent Guys, you don't HAVE to play games. It's a nice change of pace.
2. They're nice. Like, really nice! They have good manners! And they're eager to please (but not in a pathetic way - more like a "oh, you don't have to give me a bj, I'll just go down on you for 3 hours" way.) They haven't lived out of Parental Guidance Land for long enough to forget to mind their P's & Q's, remembering important date staples like "you look very pretty" and "oh, I'll get the bill" (or maybe I've just dated too many cheap assholes who don't find me attractive).
They will also happily walk your dog for you.
3. They like to spoon.
4. Since you are older and more worldly than they are, they actually (and this is a big one) listen when you talk, instead of just [sometimes, but often not] politely waiting their turn to speak. Is there a better feeling than looking across the table at someone maintaining eye contact steadily and hanging on to every word you are saying? (Ok, maybe getting gone down on for 3 hours.) But, honestly, nothing is more annoying than suffering through a date with a One-Upping-"Well, I'-er (a close relative of the I-Was-Never-Actually-Listening-In-The-First-Place-"Wait, what?"-er) and having to endure inane stories about their glory days at the University of Douchiness or the all the times they un-ironically attended Jimmy Buffet concerts and smuggled booze into Wrigley Field.
The younger-man je ne sais quoi is as intoxicating as Creed Aventus - it smells like slightly-post-Teen-spirit. (Or did that joke date me? It's a famous Nirvana song from the early 90s for all you adorable juvies out there.) So go put some on.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
