What I've Learned...

(if you don't read Esquire, you suck... Klosterman and the Answer Guy are demigods)

In lieu of possessing any real writing talent, I will be writing this in my go-to list form. Deal with it.

1. You're only as good as your facebook page. It is the basis by which our generation is judged. It's scary, I know, considering the fact that mine was written by my sister (with whom I graciously share my profile) and has Li'l Kim listed multiple times.
2. Here is what I've learned about food:
a. People like you better when you can cook
b. Eat a lot of salad. Then you can Number 2 whenever you want. And a clean colon is a great feeling
c. People who don't like cheese are fucking losers. Lactose intolerance is for pussies
3. Cat people are a terrifying breed. Anyone who enjoys the company of a whiny, post scratching, antisocial animal that bases its personality on playing hard to get has to have something wrong with him or her.
4. Friends are important, but family is better. Especially my crazy sarcastic pictionary loving family
5. There are two kinds of people who ask questions: those that ask to listen to your answer, and those who ask to hear your answer and then counter with a, "Well I..." answer of their own. The latter are useless; discard them like coffee grinds.
6. The people that you love are the only ones who should have the power to make you feel self-conscious. Others don't matter.
7. Only marry or date someone who is capable of making you laugh. Seriously.
8. Playing Jeopardy! and keeping score for yourself is NOT nerdy. It's cool.
9. Drugs are bad. Right?
10. You probably shouldn't listen to me...